Ralph Friedgen has been part football coach, part illusionist during his tenure at the university. Perhaps he dabbles in investment banking, because in what other field could someone fail so miserably and still be rewarded with so much money?
He is a football coach on Saturdays when he stands on the sidelines wearing a headset and overseeing 60-some young men wearing football helmets and jerseys, which seems to qualify them as football players, although that designation is debatable.
But during the week, and quite often on Saturday nights, he is forced to don a cape and do his best job at distracting the faithful from another pitiful performance by his club.
"It really wasn't about X's and O's," Friedgen said following an inexcusable and unexplainable loss to a Virginia team that had lost by 28 to Duke, a team that had failed to win an ACC football game in four years. "It was about who came to play and who didn't. That's what it was about. You could have the greatest plays in the world, and if you're not going to execute them and the other team is playing at a different speed than you are, then it's not going to work."
Terrapin fans were left to shake their heads, throw their anger-soaked T-shirts in the laundry, wash, dry and repeat. It's been this way since Friedgen returned to his alma mater amid a great deal of fanfare in 2001.
He has been at best mediocre while coaching this team, but great at convincing everyone otherwise. Each season, his teams seem to come up with a signature win, one that excites the fan base and convinces them this season will be different. But no sooner does everyone jump on Friedgen's back (he doesn't need a bandwagon, does he?) than he cramps up, and his team comes out "at a different speed" than its opponent, blowing a game it should win easily.
But how does Friedgen do it? How does he continue to receive such blind faith from university students, alumni and other fans? Are the students just practicing for basketball season? How can this team compete against some of the country's best yet come out uninspired against a team even the pep band could beat?
Hold on a second, you say. Friedgen must have some positive effect on the squad. It was getting its brains kicked in by the No. 20 team in the country last week yet came out from the half, turned around momentum and won the game. Doesn't Friedgen get any credit for that?
Well ... no.
"I said a lot to them at halftime, and so did the other coaches," Friedgen said about halftime in Charlottesville, Va. "Some of the players said things. But they still had that distant stare they seem to get down here."
Down where, at the bottom of the worst BCS conference in college football? And if this distant stare is so familiar, particularly in one stadium, didn't you worry about that during the week? Why didn't you ensure it would not resurface this year?
Friedgen, you can't fool me anymore. You've been the head of too many fraudulent football teams, and I can't take it any longer. The terrible recruiting, the late-game collapses and your team's repeated truancy from routine games must stop. A win against Cal doesn't mean anything if it follows a loss to Middle Tennessee. And wins in Death Valley are aberrations if you can't hang with teams that weren't even competitive against Duke.
"Maryland will win!" No way, not as long as Friedgen roams the sidelines.
Patrick Moehrle is a senior journalism major. He can be reached at moehrle.patrick@gmail.com.
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