Sporty spurts of business

The Terps were up 37-0 against N.C. State in the fourth quarter of Saturday's football game when a personal foul was called against the Wolfpack. Referee Ron Cherry, calling the foul, articulated the offense by saying the N.C. State player was guilty of "giving him the business."

Today we salute you, Mr. Hilarious Referee Man. Your poise and ability to call up a rarely used football reference in a time of heated foul play makes you a connoisseur of the game and quite more than a referee. You are a reference for the future call-makers of America. Avoiding the dirty details of the cheap shot, you gave all of us an opportunity to assume the worst of all low blows. Giving the business is what football is all about, and thanks to you, we could all reflect on that fact Saturday as we reveled in our bowl-boosting shutout.

Here we offer some ideas for other witty phrases that could be adopted by professional announcers to boost their relevance and insight and make the game that much more engaging and fun. If the referees can do it, so can announcers, and with much more leeway and creativity. Dennis Miller, eat your heart out:

1. Tapping that pass: "Man, it sure took a lot of acrobatic skill to tap that pass. I mean, he really had to get up for that one. Boy, was that a hard play. I could never do that at my age."

2. Rubbing one out: "He's been at bat a number of times, and while other people keep rounding the bases, he can't seem to do the same. He just keeps rubbing one out."

3. Getting hammered: "This guy has been slamming them down the hole all night, and he just keeps getting hammered. With a pitcher like that, they could go for hours. But he seems pretty wobbly out there, so I think he should be put to bed for the night."

4. Pounding the wood: "I've never seen a guy pound the wood like that. Yeah, he's got to move fast to get a good dribble going and to get it through the hole, but I think he should slow down, maybe pull back a little. You never want to rush yourself."

5. Last call and time to score: "Folks, it was last call and time to score, and this youngster knew it. The game was winding down, his buddies were giving up and he had to throw something out there. All he had was an unattractive look at the backboard, but that's all he needed. He must have figured that if he didn't do it then, there'd be no party afterward. But then he nailed it."

6. Lean back and walk it out: "With players like this in the game wilding out, you gotta keep your cool. Just lean back, avoid getting hit and, if you can't crank that, then wait to walk it out."

7. Player error: "If you are going to be a player, you can't make an error like that or people are going to start questioning your game. When you're in the big leagues, haters are all around you. You've gotta prove you've got the moves to claim player status."

8. Skirting the border: "He sure was skirting the border on that run. Right on the edge and nobody pushed him out. Very threatening. He was slipping through the gridiron with ease. With a run like that, he could be taking someone else's job in no time."