Television: It's just not funny anymore

Sorry if this column has typos in it, but both my eyeballs just exploded just now when I saw a commercial for ABC's Opportunity Knocks.

When did entertainment stop being entertaining? I'm not even 20 years old, and I feel like I'm gumming through prunes, sitting on the porch and shaking my cane while complaining about the good old days. How did this happen? I'm sorry, but Paris Hilton's My New BFF? That is the single worst idea for anything that I've ever heard, ever. Ever.

Somehow mediocre has become the best we've got. Hey, losers who watch as much television as I do, pop quiz: Tell me, who's been on the most episodes of Saturday Night Live of all time? Chevy Chase? Chris Rock? Adam Sandler? Steve Martin?

Darrell Hammond. That kind-of-mediocre guy who did the Clinton impersonation. He's still on the show. He's the most tenured SNL cast member of all time. He's been on the show since 1995. No. 6 on that list? Horatio Sanz. Fill in your own joke here and I guarantee it's funnier than Horatio Sanz.

It was bad enough that The Simpsons peaked 37 years ago and then Family Guy came on but was like 5 percent less funny. Then we took it to the next level with American Dad, which is like The Simpsons except not funny or interesting. We're on the third generation of unfunny, and Fox airs them in a row on Sunday nights.

And the Emmys last month? I didn't watch them because Katt Williams' stand-up was on, but someone told me that it was the first time ever a non-network show had won for either best comedy or best drama series, when Mad Men, from some weird station called AMC or something, won for drama.

Apparently, this is bad news for the declining quality of network television. Nobody on the Emmys cared, though, because they were too busy taking potshots at the government. Memo to all the celebrities that read my column: Being the host of Deal or No Deal doesn't qualify you to do crap. Ask the banker how much he's willing to offer, and then shut up. I don't care what you think, and it's irresponsible and smug to pretend you need to use your position in society to educate all of us unwashed morons about stuff you don't know anything about.

I just hope that the quality of entertainment gets better soon, or I might have to do something really drastic. Like pick up a newspaper and read something. But those are just full of filth, too. So I hope the TV steps up its game, because there's not a whole lot of other places to go.

Rob Gindes is a junior journalism major. He can be reached at gindesdbk@gmail.com.