Diamondback Online - The University of Maryland's Independent Daily Student Newspaper

Some movies are so ridiculously bad they end up entertaining - there can be something wickedly enjoyable about watching terrible actors, an unbelievable script and awfulness all around. CJ7 has the potential to be such a film, but it doesn't quite make it to "awesomely bad" - it just stalls in the "regular old disappointing" category.

CJ7 focuses on a poor Chinese construction worker, Ti Chow (Stephen Chow, Kung Fu Hustle), who works very hard so his son Dicky (Jiao Xu) can go to a lovely private school. The Chows live in a shabby, one-room shack, eat rotten apples for dessert and wear shoes that they found in the junkyard.

Dicky, with dirt on his face and those garbage shoes on his feet, gets teased by the obnoxious school bully. Of course, the solution to the bullying is to get the newest popular toy that all the kids are talking about, the "CJ1." But Ti, who can barely keep his job, cannot afford to buy young Dicky a new toy.

This point in the film is where things take an out-of-control turn. While Ti is looking for new shoes in the junkyard, he finds what he thinks is a toy, which he takes home to Dicky and calls a "CJ7." But the is not a toy, it's an alien - and hilarity ensues (or at least is supposed to) once Dicky is equipped with his new "toy," a goofy cross between a Furby and Flubber with some special powers.

Unfortunately, the funny times never come in CJ7. Mild amusement occurs for about 20 minutes, but soon the film takes a cheesy stance about appreciating life despite its hardships. The problem is, CJ7 tries too hard to get the point across, and there is a notable lack of jokes for a film supposed to be a comedy. A few moments are sprinkled here and there - such as when Dicky takes a banana from a garbage can, stabs CJ7 with it in an attempt to kill him, takes a bite from the fruit and then runs away in tears, or when Dicky's father picks him up and puts him in a cabinet so he'll stop screaming - but the moments are far between.

The alien and the movie each hit an all time low when CJ7 starts shooting little turds out of his butt like a machine gun. Surprisingly, this is not as funny as it sounds.

And despite this crap (literally and figuratively), the film is pretty boring. There is some predictable craziness when Dicky dreams of all the cool things the CJ7 can do, such as build him sunglasses he can use to cheat on an exam and athletic shoes he can use to jump really high and swim really fast. In fact, the most entertaining parts of the film come during these 20 minutes of typical childhood fantasies.

The most confusing thing about CJ7 is why it was released in the United States. Teenage fans of Stephen Chow's previous hits, Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer, will not be very attracted to a silly children's movie, and no American child would want to go see a movie with subtitles, no matter how silly the premise.

Sure, the alien is cute and cuddly, but very uninteresting; similarly, the kid who plays Dicky is a little more interesting, but not as cute and cuddly. All the viewer can expect is some lame cutesiness and even lamer jokes. If only CJ7 were more ridiculous - maybe then it would have been a success.

diversions@dbk.umd.edu

RATING: 2 STARS OUT OF 5

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