2008 Woodie Awards
Morris: I don't like spam!
Clara Morris
Issue date: 4/4/08 Section: Opinion
This week I found myself the recipient of several unwanted e-mails. I'm not talking about your ordinary junk e-mails. They were not e-mails from strangers, nor e-mails of pornographic content, nor were they e-mails offering a free Xbox in exchange for my social security number (throw in the Guitar Hero guitar controller - with stickers - and they would totally have a deal).
Rather, this week's unwanted e-mails were from the university. From event announcements to welcoming visiting students to listservs, university communication was in full force.
Let's begin by discussing the 2008 Odyssey of the Mind World Finals e-mail. Apparently our school will host a four-day contest of "intense problem-solving and teamwork" for kids from kindergarten through college. What an odyssey! Sure wish my parents had pushed me into something like that from the age 5 until 21!
Worst of all, this e-mail embarrasses me in front of my new Gmail account. Gmail provides personal sidebar advertisements based on words used frequently in the e-mails I send and receive. So, because of this Odyssey of the Mind e-mail, I'm not exactly receiving the coolest sidebar advertisements. It's not that I care what Gmail thinks of me or anything, it's just that, well, now Gmail offers me links to websites for "Mind Mapping Power" or "Free Mind Power Courses." And while I'm not opposed to increasing my mind power, I would like to do so on my own terms.
Plus, now I have to make up for the Mind Odyssey e-mail and write a lot of extra-cool emails to keep my Gmail advertisements hip, thereby keeping my self-esteem high. This week, I've written more e-mails about skateboarding and Go-GURT than ever before.
Let's move on and take a look at the Spring Open House e-mail which asks current Maryland students to welcome newly admitted potential students to the campus for a day. On the surface the e-mail seems friendly, as if it is trying to create a sense of community.
But a closer reading proves otherwise. Barbara Gill, director of Undergraduate Admissions, asks us (the already committed and tuition-paying members of the community) in the e-mail to avoid using the main entrances of the campus because the visiting potential students need to use those main entrances, as they're allowed to park in the incredibly overpriced garages for free. It is as if the university is saying, "We're having guests. They will use the good china. Please stay out of the way. And don't touch the good china."
There were more affronts to my e-mail's inbox. I found the most irritating to be this week's SFYI e-mails. You may note that I just said "e-mails" in the plural, though I am only referring to this single week. I have not done so in error. I don't make errors; you know that. There was an SFYI digest sent out Sunday, another Monday, a third Tuesday and a fourth Wednesday. And who knows how many were sent out since this column hit the presses. A few quick calculations will let us predict: approximately 37 more.
Not to mention, did anyone even sign up for this listserv? I know I didn't. Did the university just start sending these e-mails to every student? I checked the "To" line of these emails, and it read, "To: SFYI@listserv.umd.edu." That is not my e-mail address.
The SFYI e-mails' mere length makes them impossible to read. I can barely get through the table of contents alone. For example, Tuesday's e-mail had 14 things listed! C'mon, be reasonable! Checking e-mail is part of my morning routine; that means even if I do see something in the table of contents that I like, I'm reading it while sleepy, blurry-eyed and without the motor skills or the cognitive awareness to scroll down through 14 subjects to find what I'm looking for.
Sure, I could merely click "unsubscribe" and seemingly solve all my problems. But what if one day the SFYI has some valuable information I really need? After all, the SFYI digest did announce the "Bagels and Lox with Nurses and Docs" free breakfast event at the University Health Center.
Clara Morris is a senior English major. She can be reached at cmorris2@umd.edu.
Rather, this week's unwanted e-mails were from the university. From event announcements to welcoming visiting students to listservs, university communication was in full force.
Let's begin by discussing the 2008 Odyssey of the Mind World Finals e-mail. Apparently our school will host a four-day contest of "intense problem-solving and teamwork" for kids from kindergarten through college. What an odyssey! Sure wish my parents had pushed me into something like that from the age 5 until 21!
Worst of all, this e-mail embarrasses me in front of my new Gmail account. Gmail provides personal sidebar advertisements based on words used frequently in the e-mails I send and receive. So, because of this Odyssey of the Mind e-mail, I'm not exactly receiving the coolest sidebar advertisements. It's not that I care what Gmail thinks of me or anything, it's just that, well, now Gmail offers me links to websites for "Mind Mapping Power" or "Free Mind Power Courses." And while I'm not opposed to increasing my mind power, I would like to do so on my own terms.
Plus, now I have to make up for the Mind Odyssey e-mail and write a lot of extra-cool emails to keep my Gmail advertisements hip, thereby keeping my self-esteem high. This week, I've written more e-mails about skateboarding and Go-GURT than ever before.
Let's move on and take a look at the Spring Open House e-mail which asks current Maryland students to welcome newly admitted potential students to the campus for a day. On the surface the e-mail seems friendly, as if it is trying to create a sense of community.
But a closer reading proves otherwise. Barbara Gill, director of Undergraduate Admissions, asks us (the already committed and tuition-paying members of the community) in the e-mail to avoid using the main entrances of the campus because the visiting potential students need to use those main entrances, as they're allowed to park in the incredibly overpriced garages for free. It is as if the university is saying, "We're having guests. They will use the good china. Please stay out of the way. And don't touch the good china."
There were more affronts to my e-mail's inbox. I found the most irritating to be this week's SFYI e-mails. You may note that I just said "e-mails" in the plural, though I am only referring to this single week. I have not done so in error. I don't make errors; you know that. There was an SFYI digest sent out Sunday, another Monday, a third Tuesday and a fourth Wednesday. And who knows how many were sent out since this column hit the presses. A few quick calculations will let us predict: approximately 37 more.
Not to mention, did anyone even sign up for this listserv? I know I didn't. Did the university just start sending these e-mails to every student? I checked the "To" line of these emails, and it read, "To: SFYI@listserv.umd.edu." That is not my e-mail address.
The SFYI e-mails' mere length makes them impossible to read. I can barely get through the table of contents alone. For example, Tuesday's e-mail had 14 things listed! C'mon, be reasonable! Checking e-mail is part of my morning routine; that means even if I do see something in the table of contents that I like, I'm reading it while sleepy, blurry-eyed and without the motor skills or the cognitive awareness to scroll down through 14 subjects to find what I'm looking for.
Sure, I could merely click "unsubscribe" and seemingly solve all my problems. But what if one day the SFYI has some valuable information I really need? After all, the SFYI digest did announce the "Bagels and Lox with Nurses and Docs" free breakfast event at the University Health Center.
Clara Morris is a senior English major. She can be reached at cmorris2@umd.edu.
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Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 3
Veronica
posted 4/04/08 @ 3:19 PM EST
You COULD try to unsubscribe but it won't let you. I've tried many times! It's an auto e-mail that goes to every person with a .umd.edu address.
Jamie
posted 7/19/08 @ 3:00 PM EST
Spam causes lots of damage and
people should stop it!
Jamie
jamie@filmbaby.com
Tommy Cantor
posted 7/27/08 @ 5:38 PM EST
Hello,
if you guys have a newsletter, please sign me up:
jamie@filmbaby.com
Thanks,
Tom
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