Diamondback Online - The University of Maryland's Independent Daily Student Newspaper

Issue date: 4/28/08 Section: Opinion

Turns out we're all doomed. I'm not talking about mortality or the ground splitting asunder and a new age of hell descending upon mankind, but a more complete and total doom that doesn't allow for life anywhere. My astronomy professor told me so. Recently, I've been studying the universe, and in the end-game scenario, all the mass of the universe will be sealed inside dead starts and black holes. This means we will all be very cold and very dead. That's assuming, of course, we're able to ditch this planet before it's swallowed up by the sun or turned into Venus II by runaway global warming. No number of political, social and economic changes can keep us from eventually being screwed. Now I'm depressed and I blame my education.

There are lots of facts out there I don't want to know, like what people say about me when I'm not around, or if my parents have sex, and I certainly don't want to be told Hayden Panettiere is out of my league. In fact, I go out of my way to never ponder these questions haphazardly because I know I won't like the answers: Of course people say nasty things about me because that happens to everyone; I exist, and so do my two younger brothers, so I have no choice but to conclude my parents had sex three or more times; and the final answer I can't even bring myself to write down.

But these are merely conclusions I already know and choose not to acknowledge. What's even worse is that knowledge which is forced upon you. Would you, for instance, like to know your doctor had to retake college biology three times before he passed with a C? He's just as competent as he was before you knew, but now you can't help but wonder what would happen if he confused your heart for your liver, like he did on his midterm. Just a few weeks ago, a woman told me a student had died in the room I leased for the next school year. As I'm sure you understand, my first instinct was to punch her in the face. Despite what Antigone has to say about killing the messenger, I wanted ignorance so badly I was about ready to fight reality until reality "took it back." Luckily, though, I was notified by e-mail, so the messenger was spared. I don't believe in ghosts, karma or even bad vibes, so I'm guessing there's a good chance (about 100 percent) nothing is wrong with the room; yet my rationality is trumped by my desperate quest to stray from inconvenient truths.

At times, I wish I had some sort of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-style memory-wipe machine. That sounds like fun (having never seen the movie, I'm going to assume running away from your past works out well for Jim Carrey). Every time I encounter a new fact I don't want to know, I can have it stripped from my memory and continue life. I couldn't get rid of everything bad since some of it is required for day-to-day living, but you get the idea. I'm sure there are a few things everyone wishes they could forget, and usually we're forced to act like we've forgotten them anyway or else be branded as crazy, because we can't get past the fact we're all going to die.

One of my elementary school teachers told me knowledge was power, which I took to mean I could become a ninja with enough education. Through my continued learning, I discovered I was wrong. My dreams were crushed, but from that incident, I learned a very important lesson about life: Delusions aren't so bad. If nothing else, they keep me happy.

John Raderman is a sophomore journalism major. He can be reached at raderman@umd.edu.

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