2008 Woodie Awards
Lite Fare: Veepstakes 2008
Issue date: 6/12/08 Section: Opinion
Throwing our pundit hats into the ring of reckless speculation about vice presidential candidates, The Diamondback's editorial staff has decided to analyze a few possible V.P. prospects for Sen. Barack Obama's campaign. With John McCain having sealed the Republican nomination months ago, we figure he's already had time to mull over his choices. And if the 24-hour news networks have taught us anything, it's that any given idiot is not only qualified, but also encouraged, to analyze V.P. prospects.
Hillary Clinton
Pros: The down-home blue collar everywoman that she is (or at least has been for the last 15-or-so months), Clinton could help translate a lot of white lower-middle class primary votes for her into general election votes for Obama. Also, in case Obama is unable to answer a 3 a.m. phone call, Clinton would be all over it.
Cons: Just saying her name around most Republicans (and even some Democrats) is a pretty easy way to pick a fight. Short of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or the ghost of Karl Marx, Clinton would be the V.P. most likely to bring Republican opposition out in droves.
Dennis Kucinich
Pros: While Kucinich may lean a little too far left for a lot of the American electorate, it's worth noting that he probably has magical powers. Not only does he look like a tiny, mythical woodland creature, but he also managed to somehow find a hot wife in spite of such an appearance.
Cons: Come November, he'll be pretty busy getting ready to help Rudolph save Christmas or working as an extra in the new Hobbit movie. The swing orc vote probably wouldn't be too pleased, either.
Bambale Osby
Pros: Obviously the local favorite, an Obama-Osby ticket could produce the best campaign slogan ever: "O. O. It's Magic!" It would also be the best 2-on-2 basketball ticket to ever run for election, narrowly edging out George H. W. Bush and Dan Quayle.
Cons: Osby's lack of a dominant offensive post game and occasional lapses in decision-making would be critical flaws to bring on the campaign trail. And while he did lend an endorsement to Jonathan Sachs' (successful) SGA campaign, he lacks name recognition on a national level.
Hillary Clinton
Pros: The down-home blue collar everywoman that she is (or at least has been for the last 15-or-so months), Clinton could help translate a lot of white lower-middle class primary votes for her into general election votes for Obama. Also, in case Obama is unable to answer a 3 a.m. phone call, Clinton would be all over it.
Cons: Just saying her name around most Republicans (and even some Democrats) is a pretty easy way to pick a fight. Short of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or the ghost of Karl Marx, Clinton would be the V.P. most likely to bring Republican opposition out in droves.
Dennis Kucinich
Pros: While Kucinich may lean a little too far left for a lot of the American electorate, it's worth noting that he probably has magical powers. Not only does he look like a tiny, mythical woodland creature, but he also managed to somehow find a hot wife in spite of such an appearance.
Cons: Come November, he'll be pretty busy getting ready to help Rudolph save Christmas or working as an extra in the new Hobbit movie. The swing orc vote probably wouldn't be too pleased, either.
Bambale Osby
Pros: Obviously the local favorite, an Obama-Osby ticket could produce the best campaign slogan ever: "O. O. It's Magic!" It would also be the best 2-on-2 basketball ticket to ever run for election, narrowly edging out George H. W. Bush and Dan Quayle.
Cons: Osby's lack of a dominant offensive post game and occasional lapses in decision-making would be critical flaws to bring on the campaign trail. And while he did lend an endorsement to Jonathan Sachs' (successful) SGA campaign, he lacks name recognition on a national level.
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