How to survive The Diner

Last year as a new resident on North Campus, I was forced to forgo all of my prior associations with the word "diner." Having been a Jersey girl for 19 years of my life, the thought of this was almost as disillusioning as the transition from high school to college. 

At the university, the diner would no longer be a place with hard plastic seats resembling the back of my uncle's Corvette. Nor would it be the place I would pay $2 for a lukewarm cup of black coffee, seemingly brewed three days ago. The diner would no longer be that place my friends and I went after the eighth grade dance. And it definitely would not be the site where I fought with the wiry waitress from Long Island with long, fake nail tips and glued-on eyelashes.

You may be wondering how the meaning of "diner" changed for me, but more importantly, what will it mean for you? For North Campus residents, any further references to the word "diner" would refer to the building behind Ellicott Hall. But it's not quite that simple.

The North Campus Diner will also be where deep conversations are sparked during late-night binge sessions of buffalo wings and cheesy steak quesadillas. But the Diner is not just fun and games. In order to have a successful first-year relationship with the Diner, there are some key guidelines to follow in order to keep your sanity — and your appetite.

They say a good meal begins with breakfast. However, this most likely won't happen for you at the Diner. With the exception of weekends, most North Campus residents choose not to eat breakfast at the Diner. The reason, dare I say, is overpriced bowls of cereal, runny eggs and oily sausages. 

Socialize a little and make some new friends — with the employees. Making friends with the Diner staff will be a great bonus to your year. Extra sides with your meal, free cups of soup and some leeway with your Dining Hall meal plan points. Who can argue with that? 

Finally, make sure to avoid high traffic hours of 5 to 7 p.m. Lines in the Diner will keep you starving for an extra 10 minutes. You will ultimately find yourself splitting up from your friends and scrambling for the one empty seat. Do yourself a favor and just wait for late night, which starts after 7 p.m. The food includes late-night favorites like waffles, mozzarella sticks and nachos, and people are less rushed to eat and more inclined to stay a while and chat. 

Your relationship with the Diner may be strained at times by incidences of bad meals or a scarcity of cookies, but the Diner will always be there for you. It will always be there to foster good friendships, invoke profound conversations and provide a shoulder to lean on during those arduous cram sessions. That is, with the exception of Friday and Saturday nights after 7 p.m., when the Diner is closed. 

What can I say? Diners: Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

ga@umdbk.com