Guest column: Not worth the interview

The other day, I got a call from a company I had never heard of for a job I didn't actually apply for. I took the call anyway, just to see what would happen. The interview seemed to be going well, until I got the stumper. No, not the, "What's your biggest weakness?" question (that's easy: answering cliché interview questions intelligently). The woman on the other side of the phone asked, "So why do you want to move to California?"

Now if you know me at all, you know I don't really want to leave the East Coast.

Especially not to California or Arizona. Ever.

"Ummm … I've always been excited for new opportunities, and California is …" I began but then trailed off, thinking, "... absolutely not going to happen." After a few more minutes of trying to create the illusion that I knew what I was talking about, the interview ended. I didn't fool anyone, and I never did find out the job description.

That's why you never go into an interview unprepared. Lesson learned.

Interviewing is kind of like the process of picking parts for the high school play. But instead of being picked last, you may not be picked at all. Not only that, but they may not tell you that you weren't picked, leaving you stranded on the stage. Even worse, you probably won't even find out who was picked for the parts, what they were looking for or even who you were up against. Sometimes you think you're a lock for the position. Nothing can get between you and that part. And then you lose out. Kinda of like Michael Bluth in the pilot episode of Arrested Development.

Welcome to the world of interviewing — where you have to be prepared for anything and everything, even if you don't know what you're talking about.

Gone are the days of the high school Target interview where they asked you: 1) if you were over the age of 16, and 2) if you could speak English. Let's all be honest with ourselves for a second here — No. 2 probably isn't a requirement anymore.

Gone are the days when you could sit on the couch and wait for a job to come to you.

In the world of interviewing, Carl Weathers isn't here to save anyone. He can't tell you how to answer the all-too-common "Why do you want to work for our company?" The right answer, obviously, is "Because you gave me an interview!" He can't coach you how to emphasize the sale more than the fire if you happen to interview for a commercial voice-over.

Maybe this whole interviewing and getting a job thing just isn't for me. After all, who needs the money when there's always money in the banana stand?

Joel Cohen graduated in May with a degree in government and politics. He can be reached at JoelDCohen at gmail dot com.