Administration: A horror (slide)show

I wish I could say our new "unstoppable" slogan was just one in a series of boneheaded mistakes made by an administration far out of touch with the rest of the university. I can't. The "Unstoppable Starts Here" slogan is part of a deliberate and calculated plan by administrators to distract campus stakeholders from the worsening budget crisis.

Anyone can make insinuations about conspiracy theories, but it's a little hard to believe that administrators without the sense to know that spending $250,000 on an energy drink slogan is a bad idea could even conspire to order lunch. Without explicit internal documents detailing a plan of distraction and obfuscation, my claims would be questionable at best. Luckily, Provost Nariman "Darth Vardin" Farvardin's slideshow presentation given at this year's deans' retreat has leaked, and it details exactly where the slogan fits into the larger plan.

The slideshow is a devastating document for any student, professor or university employee concerned about the university's future. In addition to celebrating drops in enrollment in the arts and humanities college, and the behavioral and social sciences college, the slideshow also mentioned a tuition increase for 2011.

Even with a tuition hike, furloughs and cuts to every department, the administration knows it won't be able to make ends meet. Their solutions are things like merging or closing "unproductive" departments and colleges, improving teacher efficiency and increasing reliance on private funders. In order to bring in some extra cash, the administration wants to grow the university's lucrative executive programs and start awarding online degrees. One moment we attend a first-rate public university, the next we're basically students at the University of Phoenix, except we have a football team.

Nowhere in the document is there any discussion of shared governance or working with the rest of us on solutions. How does the administration think they can get away with changing the basic character and fundamental goals of the university without even talking to the actual stakeholders? That's where the slogan comes in.

The last slide in the presentation has only two points, but they're incredibly revealing. The first is "Keep faculty and staff morale up." After painting a grimmer picture for the future of university teachers and staff with every slide, it's understandable that the provost is worried about their spirits.

The second point is "Manage public opinion and minimize negative publicity." The administration is less interested in keeping our school from collapsing than convincing everyone they have everything under control. They don't. I can't help but see the universally panned, dumbass slogan as part of this opinion "management." Our needs are different from the administration's. We need to solve a budget shortfall while maintaining educational quality — they need us not to notice that the crisis exists. Fortunately, we're not as distracted by shiny, meaningless phrases as they would have liked.

We cannot allow our opinions to be managed. Instead of turning the budget shortfalls into a political problem and provoking a state-wide discussion about the value of public education, the administration would rather sweep us and our vision for the university under the rug. If you don't believe me, go look at the slideshow at CPSdS.org. Think about whether you want to go to school at the university the provost describes. Ask whether you want to teach there or work there. Ask yourself if you'd want your kids to go there. The university is ours to fight for, and it won't protect itself.

Malcolm Harris is a senior English and government and politics major. He can be reached at harris at umdbk dot com.