Q: My roommate (and best friend) has been hooking up with this girl for a few weeks now, and I cannot stand her. I didn’t think it would go on for this long so I never said anything, but she’s over all the time, and she is so annoying. What can I do to avoid spending all this time around her without offending him?
A: First of all, that really sucks. May I offer my sincerest empathy. There’s nothing much worse than being forced to spend copious amounts of time with an annoying girl, especially if you’re not even getting any for it. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do in this situation. Guys get defensive about the girls they’re getting with, not really to protect the girl, but to protect their pride. No one responds well to being told their girl is as annoying as Tyra Banks, and half as good looking. If it’s been going on for this long, her level of annoyingness clearly doesn’t bother or embarrass him, and she probably puts out. She might be here to stay. It’s not worth adding rockiness to an otherwise smooth friendship, so you should just keep your mouth shut.
You’re not obligated to get all chummy with her though. She’s probably trying to win you over, and that might be a reason you find her so annoying. If her status with your friend is at all unclear, it’ll help her feel more secure if she can befriend his friends. This is in no way your responsibility, and you can pretty much ignore her as long as it borders on the impolite and isn’t like Eminem-versus-Mariah impolite. Being subtly rude to people is shockingly fun, so that might add a new dimension to spending time with her. You might even come to relish her visits. Feel free to watch reruns of 30 Rock really loudly on your laptop and laugh like an asshole — even if she’s mid-sentence. That’s within the bounds of acceptable rudeness. It might even encourage her to spend less time at your place, without realizing that you’re openly antagonizing her. If you’re lucky, she may even complain about you, and your friend will realize she’s a conniving nuisance and ditch her.
That probably won’t happen though, so you need to develop your own coping mechanisms. I’m sympathizing with you mostly because I find everyone really annoying, but she’s probably a fine, nice person so you really don’t have a very legitimate reason to complain here. Considering she also makes your friend happy, you should really just suck it up. You could invent imaginary exams and say you need your quiet time, which would force them to hang out at her place. You could feign illness and drive her swine-flu-fearing ass back to her sorority house. You could also consider finding someone of your own to hook up with so you can spend less time at home and more time with her. But for the most part, you really just need to suck it up and not be a bitch.
Esti Frischling is a senior English major. She can be reached at esti at umdbk dot com.
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