Advice: Vices of V-day

Q: The guy I'm dating made a really big deal about Valentine's Day this week, which I really  wasn't expecting. We haven't been dating for that long, and it kind of freaked me out. I'm also just not really into stuff like that, and it makes me feel like he doesn't even know me. Do you think I should say something and tell him I think he's moving too fast, or should I not make a big deal out of it?

A: It's funny how Valentine's Day never really works out, isn't it? Either your boyfriend forgets to get you flowers and only gets you dark chocolate, or he gets you flowers, but they're carnations. Or he gets you roses, but he gets you an Almond Joy, or he takes you out to eat at Taco Bell. To be honest, I very rarely hear of girls complaining about getting too much attention. That doesn't make it any less legitimate, though. If you're not into that kind of stuff, you don't have to be. That doesn't mean your man friend doesn't know you though. You said it yourself: You haven't been dating for very long.

I understand the whole issue people have with Valentine's Day, I really do. Big mega-evil card companies trying to exploit and enforce gender stereotypes while at the same time giving single people another reason to want to eat themselves to death. I get that. When you go to The Diner for dinner Feb. 14, it's like having the word "lonely" tattooed on your forehead, and you're eating in a cage full of single people shoving in their last few fries before they go home and watch reruns of The Bachelor. That is society's fault if anything ever was. I also understand how stupid things like flowers and candy are. Flowers are expensive, they don't do anything, and after a few days, they start to look like someone peed on them. I would rather a guy just write me a check.

What is appealing about all these niceties and cutenesses, though, is it means someone cares about you. To be sure, no guy is spending stupid amounts of money on stupid things trying to make himself feel loved or happy. Perhaps it's best not to say anything about how you don't approve of his Valentine's Day efforts. Instead, slow things down in other ways that won't reveal to him how picky and alternative you are. If Hallmark has taught us anything, it's that no one wants those things in a girl.

You have as much control over the pace of the relationship as he does though. You can ask him on dates or come up with ideas for things to do together. If he tries to suggest spending the day naked in bed with mimosas and sushi, suggest something different and perhaps less intimate. You could go ice-skating, which encourages hand-holding but is far too public and cold to encourage nakedness. However you choose to handle it, don't make him feel bad or insecure about trying to do nice things for you. It's completely understandable that at this time it was too much for you, but unless you want to scare him away, just let it go.

Esti Frischling is a senior English major. She can be reached at esti at umdbk dot com.