Eggers: I liked him before it was for credit

You people are heathens! OK, that was a little strong, but — surprise, surprise — I am upset. I recently got an e-mail that one of my favorite writers, Dave Eggers, was coming to the university to give a talk about his novel What is the What. Being the literary nerd that I am, I decided it might be fun to go see it. Now as my editors can tell you, I have a bit of a love affair with tardiness, so naturally I showed up late and was the last in line.

Here's where I get pissed off — are you ready? While standing in line, I began to realize I was definitely among the most senior statesmen at this event. Of course, I decided to ask a cute-looking young lady, who was texting her boyfriend and trying hard to ignore me, why exactly she was there. "Are you a fan of Eggers?" I asked.

She looked at me as if I had just asked if she wanted to sumo wrestle in a ring full of broken glass and responded, "No, I didn't even read the book. I'm just here for extra credit."

It was then I realized the university had chosen What is the What as the First Year Book, and nearly all of the dreary faces in front of me were there for a similar reason. In fact, the common topic of discussion among people in line that night was, what was the best way to get seen by your teacher without having to actually stay for the stupid lecture? Of course, once the line began to move, I tried to put it all behind me — until I got to the door and the polite security guard informed the last few people that the venue was filled to capacity, and I was out of luck.

Now, let me say this: I can't really blame these students for not caring and trying to get some credit. I can resent them, and I damn sure do, but it's not their fault. The blame here lies with the teachers and the university for, in effect, bribing these students to come to this lecture. I know it's for their own good and that we want to fill the auditorium to make us look good and pad Eggers' ego and all that tasty crap. But let's face it: These kids didn't want to be there and therefore aren't going to get much out of it. Maybe some of these kids learned something they wouldn't have playing dorm beer pong on a closet door or sitting at home watching that YouTube soccer girl kick the royal hell out of an entire team, but there were other ways to fill that auditorium.

So, freshmen of this university who pretended to read Eggers and snuck out of the lecture early to catch the specials at Thirsty Turtle: I suppose, well done. You managed to spoil my evening without spoiling yours. But to the teachers of UNIV100 who offered extra credit for a class that cannot be failed: Well, I hope you're happy.

Mike DiMarco is a senior English major. He can be reached at dimarco at umdbk dot com.