Image: You're still ugly on the inside

Heidi Montag recently graced the cover of People to tell us about her terrifying transformation into some kind of robo-plastic Faith Hill. Heidi cited her reasons for plastic surgery as being teased when she was younger, calling herself an "ugly duckling" and describing how she had always felt unattractive.

Heidi, when I was little I was known as "gorilla girl," but we have to move past these things. There is no reason to go around terrifying small children with your robo-face just because some jerk teased you for having sticky-out ears when you were 6 years old. That's how boys flirt when they're in elementary school. He was probably trying to express how much he liked you. Not anymore, though, now that your eyes look all dead and soulless.

I think sometimes it's easier to pursue physical perfection than work on your personality, career or life goals. Those things take actual work and self-reflection, and, if you fail, people have free reign to criticize your poor job performance or your status as the wet blanket at parties (for the uninitiated, that's like throwing a wet blanket on a fire. The party is the fire. Don't stop, drop, and roll all over the fun). If your teeth aren't white enough, then anyone who complains is being shallow (but observant).

Montag's outward changes are obviously a result of her inner demons, but it's far easier to pay a plastic surgeon to change something superficial than to come face-to-face with your own flaws and insecurities and overcome them.

Fighting insecurities by changing your appearance is really a losing battle, though, not only because all beauty fades over time, but also because of our own crazy hang-ups about ourselves, fueled by celebrities and that girl from high school who always wore perfectly matched outfits. Personally, when I look in the mirror I sometimes think about my slightly uneven two front teeth and my baby (face) cheeks. But no one else cares about that, right? I think. Maybe. If you're constantly comparing yourselves to others anyway, that's not going to change after you lose weight or get a nose job. Anorexics and plastic surgery addicts are attempting to fix the inside by controlling the outside.

Montag is a perfect example of the way many people live their lives — that is, always wanting more rather than enjoying what they have. When my family first got a TV with more than four channels, I thought it was amazing. Over time, though, you get used to whatever you have and start wanting DirecTV and your own personal movie theater. The same thing happened for Montag, except with her, she got used to her double-Ds and now wants "Hs for Heidi."

There should really be a horrifying children's book (with pop up pictures!) made out of Montag, because she can teach us a lot about what kind of self-improvement is healthy and what kind of self-improvement really matters. There's a moral to the tale.
And it's not "ingest everything I was ever teased about, then stick it to the bullies 10 years later by coming out with a single entitled, ‘Eat My Panties Off Of Me.'"

Bethany Wynn is a junior French and sociology major. She can be reached at wynn at umdbk dot com.