Selling out: Headline sponsored by Chevy

I'm gonna level with you: I'm only in this writing thing for the money.

Which is why I've decided I'm going to sell out. There's tons of advertising opportunities out there, and I'd be stupid not to take advantage of them. Look on the bright side: Now you can tell everyone you read me when I was still underground.

There's no joke in this column. I'm basically marketing myself to potential buyers. Hopefully I can sign on with National Bohemian beer because they basically bring you most of this column anyway. Which brings to mind a good point I'm glad I'm about to make: There's a lot of common-sense partnerships between advertisers and things at this university that need to be made. Kentucky Gentleman, the official sponsor of freshman year. Sophomore year, brought to you by Valtrex. Junior year's corporate partner: Adderall.

Let's round the joke out: Senior year and Ambien. Glad we took it to that level. Thanks for hanging around. The fact of the matter is, I'll take any and all sponsors. I'll do Nike and adidas, you think I give a shit? Bring it on.

Speaking of which, you know what's delicious? Chicken Rico. In a prime location on Route 1, Chicken Rico delivers the most delicious Peruvian-style chicken at low, low prices. I just don't know what I'd do without the mouth-watering, fresh chicken you can only find at Chicken Rico.

You're still reading? Look, nowadays, advertising is running rampant. Everyone knows this. There are advertisements all over the place. There are advertisements inside our advertisements — have you seen the Geico commercial that's also for some new Disney movie? What the hell is that? Like Geico and Disney can't afford to go solo on their own commercials now?

Take the uber-sellout band, Fall Out Boy. And yeah, I listen to Fall Out Boy. Just get over it for the purpose of the story and then tell me I should kill myself in the online comments. So take Fall Out Boy: At a concert this past May, they came out doing a whole "anti-corporation" type act. Which would have been cool if they weren't (A) pretty much a corporation unto themselves and (B) playing under a huge banner with the MTV logo on it. That's meta-selling out. I can only dream of getting that good.

Fun sidenote: If you're reading this online, then I'm actually under the MTV umbrella myself. Stick it to the man, Rob Gindes! I will. I will stick it to the man. You're welcome.

There's a point to be made, but I'm not going to make it. Because I don't care. Selling out rules. Everyone hates on sellouts because it means selling your soul, your pride or your dignity just for a few fleeting minutes in the sun. You think I have that stuff to begin with? Those are just words. Would you rather have self-respect or roll around in piles of money with unbecoming and lewd women?

It's a seller's market, that's for sure. Bring on the unbecoming women.

Rob Gindes is a senior journalism major. He can be reached at gindes at umdbk dot com.